I go through cycles in my search for answers about OCD/Anxiety behavior. Sometimes I think that life is just fine and other times I go completely crazy with a desire to figure out what is going on in Mailee's head. One thing that, I think, a lot of people don't understand is that Mialee is pretty functional in everyday settings. She doesn't voice a lot of her concerns to anyone and everyone...only me. She goes to preschool every day and does just fine, for the most part. Unless the problem actually stops her from moving forward, she internalizes the worries and just tries to function. In the event that she can't move forward, she will seek out help or have a melt-down. But, as soon as I pick Mialee up, I get a run-down of the worries. " I feel bad because I yelled at one teacher and two children today. I saw a little girls bum and it made me feel bad too. I don't think I did something right. I cried a lot today because someone was trying to help me and I didn't want them to do it that way." And anytime Mialee and I are together, she is constantly seeking reassurance. And I do mean CONSTANTLY. This week at church the realization hit me that there was no way I was going to be able to listen. Mialee was whispering in my ear at an average rate of once per every 15 seconds. Nikell was climbing up and down and up and down me. Sierra and Mialee were fighting about sitting next to me. And it was all too much. I got up and left (with Nikell in tow, of course), which actually only made it worse becuase when I tried to come back Nikell would have nothing of it. It's time like these that I know that I need help. Mialee and I are alone and sometimes I am mad that I am the one that has to be sucked into it. So I start seeking out help, again. And then I hate it because I hate discovering just how many characteristics she has that are so close to OCD and and Anxiety Disorder. I don't want her to be so scared and worried all of the time. And sometimes I get so tired of hearing about it that I just want to rip my own head off and hand it to her so that I can somehow detach myself from the situation without leaving her.
Anyway...it's a constant battle of finding a happy ground...for all of us. We all get frustrated, but my conviction is firm that God will grant me to tools to enable my child to gain happiness.
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Have you tried getting her a worry bear? One that she can tell all her worries to? I am sure that you have tried everything!! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteJeri Dawn,
ReplyDeleteSorry I never got back to you on the last email you sent me a couple of months or so ago - things have been a little hectic and I even had another brief stint with some serious anxiety of my own.
Man, when I read about your little girl - I can almost feel everything I used to feel back when I was her age. I'm pretty sure I didn't constantly talk to my mom about it all. Thinking about it - I think its great Mialee has you to go to, but I can't imagine how difficult it must be to be the parent of an overly anxious child. I can relate pretty well to her - but your position has to be at least as tough.
I'll give my mom a call and see if she has any advice that helped her with me. In the meantime - I'll be praying for both of you.
I'm so glad you started this site! For yourself, and who knows how many others. You're amazing.
ReplyDeleteI'm adding it as a resource on my kidz blog, unless I hear any objections from you.
Good for you JD! I look forward to learning from you and Mialee.
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