A Bedtime Story

My sister called the other day with a wonderful suggestion that I hadn't thought of. Incorporating bedtime stories into healing solutions for worries and concerns for our children. It's easy...think of a problem you're child is worrying about and make up a story about that problem and incorporate your solution.

For instance...germs. Oh the dreaded germs. Let's see what we can come up with...

Once upon a time there was a little butterfly who loved to fly through the air. It was her favorite thing. She would fly all day if she could. In fact, she hated to land because she just knew that her feet and hands would get dirty. She just wanted to keep flying and never land and never have to get dirty. So she tried it. She flew and flew and flew and flew. She flew way up high and way down low. She flew in circles and she flew in triangles and she even flew in hearts. But soon she started to get tired and she wasn't sure how much longer she could fly. She tried to keep going, but eventually she had to land and rest her wings. And even though she really didn't want to, she had to. So she did. She landed on a big fat mushroom and immediately fell asleep. She slept for a long time and when she woke up she took off up in the air again and flew and flew and flew and flew. Again she tried to fly forever but she couldn't do it. She got to tired and had to land. This time she was a little dizzy and accidently flew in an open bathroom window and landed on a potty. Here she fell asleep without even knowing where she was. When she woke up, she looked around, found the window and flew out, once again attempting to fly all day long. Of course, she couldn't, and when she was so tired she couldn't even flap another wing, she fell into the muddy den of a pig and once again slept. Soon, however she woke up to the "snort-snort" of pig nearby. She opened her eyes and wondered how any animal could be so dirty. So she asked the pig. The pig looked at her and said, "The dirt and the mud keep me cool and make me feel happy. Dirt doesn't hurt you." But the butterfly was not convinced and told the pig how many germs could be on him and how she wanted to fly forever and never touch the dirty ground. The pig looked at the poor little sad butterfly and said, "Germs are just a part of life. We each have special bodies that fight germs and keep us safe. How many times have you landed and fell asleep and woke up to fly again? What happened to you? Nothing. You'll be okay." The butterfly thought and thought and realized that she had touched the ground a lot of times in her life and nothing bad ever happened because of it. Maybe the pig was right. Maybe our bodies are special and dirt wasn't so bad. Wow! Life would be a lot easier if she could land and rest without having to worry about dirt and germs. She decided to try. And she did. She flew and landed and flew and landed and flew and landed and flew and landed. And she was okay.

I think the key is to keep it generic enough that your child won't think you are singling them out, but still focused around a well-known problem. Perhaps within the story your child will find a solution for their problems too (without the dreaded parental lecture).

Thanks Shanee, for this idea. It is especially helpfull because it is a way of fighting the worrying without actually saying, "Your brain is broken. You have OCD." If Mialee has a chance of growing out of this, I don't want to hinder her or disable her with a label. Try it! Maybe it will work for you too!

Finding Truth vs Avoiding Truth

I go through cycles in my search for answers about OCD/Anxiety behavior. Sometimes I think that life is just fine and other times I go completely crazy with a desire to figure out what is going on in Mailee's head. One thing that, I think, a lot of people don't understand is that Mialee is pretty functional in everyday settings. She doesn't voice a lot of her concerns to anyone and everyone...only me. She goes to preschool every day and does just fine, for the most part. Unless the problem actually stops her from moving forward, she internalizes the worries and just tries to function. In the event that she can't move forward, she will seek out help or have a melt-down. But, as soon as I pick Mialee up, I get a run-down of the worries. " I feel bad because I yelled at one teacher and two children today. I saw a little girls bum and it made me feel bad too. I don't think I did something right. I cried a lot today because someone was trying to help me and I didn't want them to do it that way." And anytime Mialee and I are together, she is constantly seeking reassurance. And I do mean CONSTANTLY. This week at church the realization hit me that there was no way I was going to be able to listen. Mialee was whispering in my ear at an average rate of once per every 15 seconds. Nikell was climbing up and down and up and down me. Sierra and Mialee were fighting about sitting next to me. And it was all too much. I got up and left (with Nikell in tow, of course), which actually only made it worse becuase when I tried to come back Nikell would have nothing of it. It's time like these that I know that I need help. Mialee and I are alone and sometimes I am mad that I am the one that has to be sucked into it. So I start seeking out help, again. And then I hate it because I hate discovering just how many characteristics she has that are so close to OCD and and Anxiety Disorder. I don't want her to be so scared and worried all of the time. And sometimes I get so tired of hearing about it that I just want to rip my own head off and hand it to her so that I can somehow detach myself from the situation without leaving her.

Anyway...it's a constant battle of finding a happy ground...for all of us. We all get frustrated, but my conviction is firm that God will grant me to tools to enable my child to gain happiness.

What To Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck

The Following comes from the book "What to Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck A Kid's Guide to Overcoming OCD" written by Dawn Huebner, Ph.D. It was written for ages 6-12

Dr. Heubner describes OCD as a glitch in your Brain Sorter. She talks about how normally our brains process thoughts quite easily and is able to decide which ones are worth keeping and which ones need to be thrown out. For instance, we've all had the thoughts of hurting people or taking drastic measures to solve a problem, however our brains know that these thoughts aren't really worth pursuing and so we only consider them for a minute. Someone with OCD, though, has a brain sorter that gets stuck and their "Junk" thoughts are tossed into the "Save" pile where they go through their head over and over and over. Another problem is with the "all-done" switch in their brain. Normally, we shut the door and our brain says, "Okay, the door is shut, you are all done." But OCD people don't get that message when to stop and so they feel like they need to do things over and over and over. They need to give the door an extra push becuase their brain didn't tell them it closed all the way the first time. They need to re-read words to make sure they saw them all. Then need to go to the bathroom agian and again.

Here are a few "Tricks" OCD likes to play...

1. Sound the Alarm. The brain actually triggers the fight or flight response in "false alarm" situations. Things are scary even and there is an urge to do whatever necessary to keep yourself safe.

2. The Maybe Game. OCD people are tricked into worrying about things that could "maybe" happen, but are very unlikely. Maybe a bird flew into the bathroom and now you need to check and make sure that there's not one in there every time you go in.

3. The Disappearing Just-Right Feeling. Most of the time we feel OK and are able to function without too much thought. OCD makes that OK feeling disappear. It makes people feel like they need to do something to get it back again. OCD is always whispering "Are you sure? Are you sure?" People aren't necessarily thinking something bad will happen, they just know they don't feel quite right and want to.

Some Tips and Suggestions

1. Remember the fight or flight response? It actually fades quite quickly if you don't fuel it. You have to let yourself get used to it and then you don't feel so nervous. Identify OCD thoughts (a thought usually followed by an urge to do something). Recognize when your brain is trying to play a trick on you and practice.

2. Talk Back. Talk about whether thoughts are logical or a trick. The more you talk about it and recognize thoughts the more you can fight them.

3. Show OCD Who's Boss. Fight back. If you have an urge to wash your hands every five minutes, try waiting ten. If you have to go to the bathroom every ten minutes, try waiting a little longer between each time. Make the OCD wait. Get busy with other interesting and fun things and the urges often will go away.

4. Turn OCD thoughts into funny thoughts. If you are worried about getting germs on everything--make a game and try getting germs on everything and see what happens. If OCD wants you to do something a certain number of times, tryn counding in a crazy way to mess it up. If you are scared about something, make up a story about it.

5. Tell yourself that you are okay. Look at yourself. Are you in danger? Calm down and tell yourself that you are okay.

Some Don'ts

1. Don't stand around arguing with OCD behaviors. OCD behaviors aren't reasonable and the glitch in the brain often can't be convinced that something isn't safe or clean. Fight the thought (or explain the logics) and then REDIRECT.

2. Don't Give Up. It's a constant fight and sometimes it's okay to rest where you're comfortable. After you've had a breather, stand up and take another step.